Pathology: The Study of Paths 
How to Solve Your Puzzle
Choose Your Path 
The Direct Path 
The TranceFormational Path 
The Path to Awakening 
The Final Destination Attachment to Outcomes
Do not become attached to the things you like
Do not maintain aversion to the things you dislike.
Sorrow, fear, and bondage come from one's likes and dislikes
- Buddha
Rational Emotive Therapy
If you don't get what you want you are disappointed, but if you don't get what you need you will die. Food, water, and oxygen are examples of needs, while respect, love, and being right are examples of wants. Dr. Albert Ellis based his Rational Emotive Therapy on this distinction.
The fight-or-flight reaction is a biological reaction to a perceived threat, which makes you physically stronger so that you will be able to fight powerfully or flee quickly when your life depends on it. If you ever encounter a life-or-death situation, you will be glad you have this fight-or-flight superpower.
As you might expect, anything this powerful comes at a price: During a fight-or-flight reaction the body sacrifices everything – including digestion, immune response, and higher cognitive faculties ─ in exchange for immediate muscle power. This is a good trade off when your life depends upon being physically strong, but some challenges require a cool, rational response rather than physical strength. Moreover, reacting to trivial stressors as though they were threats to your life deplete the resources required for a successful response to a demanding situation.
Dr. Ellis suggests that when you experience strong emotions, ask yourself: "Is this about something I want or about something I need?” [Remember, need means that getting it is a matter of life and death]. .
To perform well during crises, it is important that you are in a state of mind conducive to good problem solving. Generally, a cool, calm, and alert psychological state rather than a desperate fight-or-flight state produces the best performance.
According to Dr. Ellis, traps of emotional over-reaction result from attachment to outcomes that are not life and death issues.
Stoicism
If your boss falsely accuses you of some sin, it is indeed frustrating, but it is not life or death. Even if you lose your job over it, it is still not life and death. It is very upsetting to be sure, but not life or death. To make this point, the Stoic, Epictetus, would say: “Have you ever seen a beggar? He doesn’t have a job, but he is alive.”
Epictetus preceded Dr. Ellis by about two thousand years, and his position was more basic and perhaps more profound. He used the metaphor of an archer who strives to shoot excellently and will not be disappointed if he shoots well, even if he doesn’t win the competition. Winning is desirable, but there will be times when an excellent archer shoots well and still ─ for reasons beyond his control, such as a sudden gust of wind or an extraordinary performance by an opponent – does not win the competition. A non-stoic archer views this as a failure because he did not achieve the intended outcome; whereas a stoic archer views it as a success because he shot well. The stoic is focused on performing well, not the outcome of the performance.
In Epictetus' words:
On the one hand, there are things that are in our power, whereas other things are not in our power. In our power are opinion, impulse, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is our own doing. Things not in our power include our body, our possessions, our reputations, our status, and, in a word, whatever is not our own doing.
Straightaway then, train yourself to say to every unpleasant impression, ‘You are an impression, and by no means what you appear to be.’ Then examine it and test it by asking whether it concerns things that are in your power or things that are not in your power: and if it concerns something not in your power, have ready to hand the answer, ‘This is nothing to me.’
Remember that, on the one hand, desires command you to obtain what you long for, and on the other, aversions command you to avoid what you dislike. Those who fail to gain what they desire are unfortunate, whilst those who fall into what they seek to avoid are miserable.
Stoicism foreshadows contemporary cognitive therapy
According to Epictetus, the traps of emotional over-reaction result from attachment to outcomes that you do not control. A person’s master is the one who has power over that which is wished for or not wished for, so as to secure it or take it away. Therefore, anyone who wishes to be free should neither wish for anything nor avoid anything that depends on others; those who do not observe this rule will of necessity be the slaves of others.
When you are about to undertake some task, remind yourself what sort of business it is. If you are going out to bathe, bring to mind what happens at the baths: there will be those who splash you, those who will jostle you, some who will be abusive to you, and others who will steal from you. And thus you will undertake the affair more securely if you say to yourself from the start, ‘I wish to take a bath, but also to keep my moral character in accordance with nature.’ Do likewise with every undertaking.
For thus, if anything should happen that interferes with your bathing, be ready to say, ‘Oh well, it was not only this that I wanted, but also to keep my moral character in accordance with nature, and I cannot do that if I am irritated by things that happen.' Say to yourself, ‘This is the price for peace of mind, and this is the price for being free of troubles. Nothing can be had without paying the price.'
Remember that the insult does not come from the person who abuses you or hits you, but from your judgment that such people are insulting you. Therefore, whenever someone provokes you, be aware that it is your own opinion that provokes you. Do not to be carried away by your impressions, for if you can gain time and delay, you will more easily control yourself.
According to Epictetus, the traps of emotional over-reaction result from attachment to outcomes that you do not control.
Taoism
In the 5th century B.C. the Tao poet Chaing Tsu wrote the following:
When an archer shoots for nothing he has all his skill.
When he shoots for a brass buckle he is already nervous.
When he shoots for a prize of gold
He goes blind, or sees two targets.
His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him.
He cares.
He thinks more of winning than of shooting,
And the need to win drains him of power.
According to this school of thought, the key to overcoming the traps of emotional over-reaction is detachment from outcomes. As this poem suggests, attachment to outcomes hinders performance in two ways:
- Emotionality: If the archer needs to win, the prospect of failure is threatening and produces nervousness, which undermines the steady hand required of the task.
- Distraction: The archer will perform best when his attention is focused on shooting to the complete exclusion of everything else. To the extent the archer thinks of winning rather than shooting, the prize divides him and the need to win drains him of power.
According to Taoism, the traps of emotional over-reaction result from attachment to outcomes
Rational-Emotive Therapists, Stoic Philosophers, and Tao Poets have come to similar conclusions from their different perspectives. They all recommend that we over-ride the natural tendency to focus on outcomes. Of course we want to succeed, be loved, and not feel pain, but attachment to outcomes subverts the resources required to achieve the desired outcomes. You will perform best when you dedicate your attention to the things you do control and let the outcome take care of itself.
While this insight sounds right in theory, it is hard to imagine putting it into practice. Desiring good outcomes and disliking the bad ones is so automatic that it seens to occur without conscious choice.
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