\n\nNature never deceives us; it is always we who deceive ourselves.<\/em><\/p>\n
— Jean-Jacques Rousseau<\/strong><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
You make the same mistake again and again because it does not seem like a mistake when you make it. But the thinking errors responsible for recurring patterns of self-sabotage may be obvious from a distance [using the Cause-and-Effect Research Tool<\/a> is a good way to create that distance]. Below is a list of some of the most popular and dangerous of these thinking errors. Learning to recognize them for what they are will free you from their pathogenic<\/a> influence.<\/p>\n
\n
- Emotional Reasoning:<\/strong> Using an emotional experience as evidence for the validity of the belief that gave rise to it, for example, "I feel guilty so I must have done something wrong," "I feel anxious so the situation must be dangerous," "I feel awkward and out of place so I guess I don’t really belong." \n<\/li>\n
- The Tyranny of Shoulds:<\/strong> You maintain rules about how you and other people should<\/em><\/strong> act. You get angry when other people break the rules and feel guilty when you violate them.\n
\n
- I should be able to find a quick solution to this problem.<\/li>\n
- I should not feel hurt,<\/li>\n
- I should be happy and serene.<\/li>\n
- I should understand everything.<\/li>\n
- I should have foreseen that this would happen.<\/li>\n
- I should be spontaneous, and I should control my emotions.<\/li>\n
- I should never feel certain emotions, such as anger or jealousy.<\/li>\n
- I should love my children equally.<\/li>\n
- I should never make mistakes.<\/li>\n
- I should always feel love for my spouse.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
<\/p>\n
- Musterbation:<\/strong> Some people attempt to motivate themselves by demanding rigid adherence to certain standards, but this approach often backfires. Examples: "I must succeed" "I must not make a mistake."<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n
- Heaven’s Reward Fallacy<\/strong>: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if there were someone keeping score. You feel bitter when the reward does not come.<\/li>\n
<\/p>\n
- Personalization: <\/strong>Thinking that everything people do or say is some kind of reaction to you. Examples: A man whose wife complains about rising prices hears the complaints as attacks on his abilities as a breadwinner.\n<\/li>\n
\n
- Comparing<\/strong> yourself to other people<\/strong>. The opportunities for comparison never end. The underlying assumption is that your worth is questionable, and so you continue to test your value as a person by measuring yourself against others. Examples: "I’m not smart enough to go with this crowd," "They listen to her but not to me." \n<\/li>\n
\n
- The book, How to Make Yourself Miserable<\/u> offers the following suggestion:: Think of everyone you know that is younger than you and makes more money. \n <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/ul>\n<\/ul>\n
\n
- Magnification<\/strong>: "Making a mountain out of a mole hill" is another label for this tendency to appraise information as more important or valid than it really is:.\n<\/li>\n
\n
- Catastrophizing<\/strong>: A special kind of magnification associated with anxiety disorders. A sign of catastrophising is asking yourself a "what if. . ."<\/em> question that you never answer. Example: "What if this headache means I have brain cancer?" The possibilities for catastrophic thinking is limited only by your imagination.\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n
- Minimization:<\/strong> Appraising information as less important or valid than it really is, for example, despite the many painful lessons to the contrary, problem drinkers and overeaters are often taken in by beliefs such as, “I’ll just have one, what harm could it do?"\n<\/ul>\n
\n
- The Binocular Trick<\/strong>: Using both minimization and magnification at the same time, for example, minimizing your strengths and magnifying your weaknesses; or magnifying the difficulties and hardships associated with your quest for success while minimizing the effort, preparation, and frustrations of others who have achieved the success you seek.\n
\n
- Disqualifying the Positive:<\/strong> May be used as part of the Binocular Trick: You reject any positive evidence by insisting that it does not count for one reason or another. For example, clients often disqualify positive feedback from me on the grounds that, "Your my therapist, of course you would say positive things about me"[in fact, I never knowingly give a client false feedback].\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
- Control Fallacies:<\/strong> There are two ways you can distort your sense of power and control. You can see yourself as helpless and externally controlled, or as omnipotent and responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you.\n